As Valentine’s Day approaches, many couples reflect on love, connection, and commitment. While the holiday often celebrates romance, it also serves as a reminder that maintaining a healthy relationship requires effort, understanding, and communication.
A new French book by author and journalist Stéphanie Brillant aims to help couples do exactly that by exploring common relationship pitfalls and offering practical tools to manage conflict effectively.
Brillant’s book, roughly translated as How to Stop Messing Up Relationships, focuses on the emotional dynamics that often lead to recurring disagreements between partners.
Drawing on psychological research, personal experiences, and expert insights, the author highlights how unresolved emotional triggers can quietly undermine relationships over time.
In an interview discussing her work, Brillant explains that conflict is not necessarily harmful to relationships. Instead, she argues that conflict can serve as a valuable opportunity for growth when handled constructively.
According to her, many couples struggle not because they argue, but because they lack the tools to communicate effectively during moments of tension.
One of the central themes of the book is emotional awareness. Brillant emphasizes that understanding one’s own emotional responses is often the first step toward resolving disagreements.
She suggests that individuals frequently react defensively during arguments, which can escalate minor misunderstandings into larger conflicts. By recognising emotional triggers and pausing before responding, partners can prevent conversations from becoming confrontational.
Communication also plays a crucial role in Brillant’s approach. She encourages couples to practice active listening, a technique that involves fully focusing on a partner’s words without interruption or judgment.
This, she says, helps partners feel heard and valued, reducing the likelihood of resentment building over time. The book also highlights the importance of expressing feelings clearly rather than relying on assumptions or indirect communication.
Another key aspect of Brillant’s advice involves empathy. She encourages couples to view disagreements from their partner’s perspective, even when they disagree.
This approach, she notes, fosters mutual respect and helps partners better understand each other’s needs and concerns. By shifting focus from winning an argument to finding a shared solution, couples can strengthen their emotional connection.
Brillant also addresses the pressure that social expectations can place on relationships, particularly during occasions like Valentine’s Day.
She suggests that idealised portrayals of romance can create unrealistic standards, leading couples to overlook the importance of everyday emotional support and understanding
Instead, she encourages partners to focus on building trust, maintaining open dialogue, and nurturing emotional intimacy throughout the year.
While the book primarily targets romantic relationships, Brillant notes that its principles can apply to various forms of interpersonal connections, including friendships and family relationships.
By promoting self-awareness, empathy, and effective communication, her work aims to help readers build stronger, more meaningful connections.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, Brillant’s insights offer a timely reminder that successful relationships depend not only on love and affection but also on patience, understanding, and the willingness to navigate conflict together.